Should You Try Again?
Often in the midst of a divorce there are second thoughts. Your mind may be filled with “Should I”.
Should I have tried harder?
Should I give him another chance?
Should I see if I can make it work?
Should I try and stick it out until my kids are grown?
Should I hold on to my financial security?
On and on it goes.
I can’t give you the answers to those questions.
But I will give you my thoughts.
If you do decide to try again, please get some professional counseling, with a marriage and family counselor or a certified life coach. A marriage that was not working before is not going to magically start working now. You’ll both need to be willing to grow, to change and work hard to improve your relationship. With the guidance of an outside counselor you may be able to do things better.
Don’t return to an abusive relationship. The safety of both you and your children is at risk, and you don’t want your children to learn that love is violent. Your children learn by what you are willing to accept. Let them see love, and peace, not violence and hate.
Think about what kind of relationship you want your children to see. Do you want the example they grow up with to be a marriage based on duty? They will sense how you and your spouse feel about each other even though you never speak the words.
Are you looking at your marriage realistically? No relationship is perfect, so don’t expect that your next relationship will be perfect. It’s easy to carry the same problems from one situation to the next. Be willing to seek counseling to find out how to grow and learn from the past so that you can have a different future.
Is your ex on board? Is he/she willing to do the work necessary to improve the relationship? Have they shown any changes through their actions? Are they willing to seek counseling with you?
Are you considering giving the marriage a second chance purely out of guilt? Is your ex begging for a second chance? Do you feel pressure from outside influences or is this all your idea? Don’t let anyone “guilt” you into a decision.
How many chances have you already given the relationship? At some point you have to say, “It’s just not working”. Don’t put yourself or your children through the back and forth trauma of being in and out of the marriage. Be all in, or get out.
Seriously think about why you’re considering giving the marriage another chance. Are you sincerely wanting to stay with your partner or are you scared of being alone? Don’t let fear hold you to an unhappy relationship. You can and will survive on your own. A marriage based on fear has little chance of survival.
Don’t postpone the inevitable. If you know your marriage has reached it’s end it’s better to make your decision and move on.
The truth is, no one can answer these questions for you. But I do suggest seeking professional counseling. If you need a recommendation, please let us know. We will happily make some recommendations. Whether you decide to stay in the marriage or end the marriage, it helps to have a counselor who listens and supports you. They can speak to the issues objectively and help you come to the conclusion that’s right for you.