Seven Pitfalls to Avoid after Your Divorce
Divorce is a tough journey. Your emotions are all over the place, your life is changing quickly and your future is unclear. That’s a lot to deal with in a short amount of time.
In my articles I try to give you healthy ways to move on to the next phase of your life.
Today I’m going to tell you about some pitfalls you need to avoid. These are the traps I’ve seen other people fall into, I’ve fallen into a few of them myself, and I want you to avoid these mistakes. Avoidance is much easier than trying to pull yourself back out of one of these traps.
- Comfort food is called that for a reason. When you’re feeling sad it’s easy to want to eat a lot of something that makes you feel good. While an ice cream binge once or twice won’t hurt you…a cycle of overeating will. You’ll eat because you feel bad, you’ll gain weight, and you’ll feel bad and guilty about the weight. Now you have an additional issue to feel bad about. Eating a healthy diet is one of the best things you can do for yourself while you’re going through a divorce. You’ll feel better emotionally as well as physically. You’ll have the strength and energy to deal with your changing life and you won’t have extra pounds to drop after it’s all over.
- Alcohol. Now a glass of wine with dinner is not going to hurt you. It’s just when a glass leads to a bottle, then to other horrible consequences. You may not recognize when it starts to become a problem because it’s difficult to read the label when you’re inside of the jar, but you can’t deny the bottles stacking up, or the nights you can’t remember. Be honest with yourself. When you must drink to get through the night or to get to sleep then you need to stop. If you can’t stop on your own then swallow your pride and get some help. Join an AA group or go to private counselor. But be honest with them. They can’t help you if you’re not willing to admit you have a problem.
- Shopping. When you’re down a little retail therapy can feel good. At the moment. Then when the credit card bills start pouring in, the fun ends quickly and the pain lasts a long, long time. Don’t shop for amusement. Until your divorce is finalized and you know how your settlement works out – your financial future is uncertain. Now is not the time to run up excess bills. Find another way to keep yourself entertained.
- Depression. I’ve been there! I felt it and it was a conscious decision for me to wake up and shake it off, and do whatever I could to move my life out of my funk. I even created a webinar series called ‘Get Your HAPPY back” based upon the work I did to get out of it. I’d encourage you to take a look in our membership area for specials on that series. I’ve brought in some amazing experts to help you. Sometimes we need a little more help. Your doctor may prescribe anti-depressants or some other medications to help you get through this time. If they help, take them. But don’t start relying on sleeping medications or pain killers to deal with your sadness. Seeing a counselor or a life coach during this time is a much better way to deal with your feelings. If you need a recommendation, we know plenty of good ones!
- Anger. You’re going to have an abundance of feelings and emotions to deal with during and after your divorce. Don’t try to shove them under the rug and pretend they don’t exist. Talk with friends or a counselor and give your emotions a release. Get the help you need to deal with your feelings. Suppressed anger can cause a host of problems both emotionally and physically. Anger is the bodyguard of sadness. If you need help getting through it, don’t hesitate to reach out to us or other resources for a recommendation.
- Transitional relationships. I recently conducted a survey on our Facebook page (www.Facebook.com/TheCafeD) and asked what advice These this can seem like a fun idea but I’ve found that most women become too emotionally attached too quickly to make this a good idea. You’re in a vulnerable state and the attentions of a new man can be flattering. But make sure you’ve dealt with your own emotional issues before you bring someone else into your life. I’ve seen a lot of women hurt because they tried to jump into a new relationship too quickly.
- Bitter Pill. It’s easy to let anger turn to bitterness if you don’t deal with it. We’ve created a webinar with Marni Spencer-Devlin, called Better Not Bitter; How your Divorce Can Be the Best Thing That Happened to You. It’s easy to be bitter. This can be especially true if you try to bury it or if you constantly feed it. Either one can cause problems down the road, but you must know you have a wonderful exciting future ahead of you. You have no reason to let present changes destroy your happy future. Join a support group or see a professional counselor. Do whatever you have to do to keep from falling into this trap.
Divorce is not the end of the road. It’s a fresh, new beginning. Don’t let any of the above pitfalls get in the way of your future happy life.